starting in the deep end

I am going to make my first post a deep one, I dont plan to emotionalise any of my posts, now do I plan to dwell on my oppinions too much, I simply wish to type whatever I feel like typing, sharing my thoughts and experiences. "Why not write a diary" - the answer to this question is simple. Im lazy. Also documenting my thoughts on a more permanent basis will definately help me with my life experience for the future. I might look back and think "I was a dick head" or "I was quite smart" either way, I learn. Now for the soul of this post This post will lead you to an in depth veiw of the mind of an autistic, obsessive compulsive, psychopath with insomnia and undiagnosed multiple personality disorder. first of all, I know im crazy because I believe im a vampire. Now this may be a rediculous believe but at least I can recognise that its wrong to drink blood and eat flesh long before I even consider doing it. But! As a vampire it has been a long belief of mine that we can not love, (guess where this is going) but a person has come to my attention. its hard to believe you can love when separating your emotions comes easy to you, and not supressing, seperating. Its a skill used by monks and spiritual types. Some do it for praise in their god, whilst otheres do it for their own reasons. For me emotions are a prison cell built for destruction. Because of my seperation I've learnt that this is not strictly true. Granted emotions can cause pain and wars, but we are all creature driven by these exact emotions. So I am now learning to pick and chose the emotions I can feel. Now this girk has made me realise love is possible, real love. You know what it feels like, imagine for now, without me needing to explain just yet, you can connect with peoples "souls" and even communicate with thm or feel them. It feels like I can rest in her soul, I can talk to it when shes far away, like her sould is my home and without it I am lost. This girl means alot to me and I wanted to teach others that no matter how impossible it seams, an insane person like me managed it, so keep looking. this is a message to the lonely, the confused, the crazy and to the girl in the future. goodnight